We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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