remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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