Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
