I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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