she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
