grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
