A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
