Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
