hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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