then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
