How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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