Nicole vs. Life
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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