If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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