Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
