I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
