he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
