Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
