do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
