it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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