I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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