Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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