I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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