No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
