Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
