I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
smell my finger.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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