So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
