so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Randomize
