I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
