Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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