Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
