xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
