i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
