I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
