I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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