i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
