if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
