people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
