Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
