Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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