Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's official drugs can't kill me
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
