cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
