I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I stole a fireplace last night.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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