my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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