this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
