Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
