TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
