I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
