dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
