YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
