so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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