i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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