shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
