Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
