I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
