I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
