I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
