We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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